Saturday, March 29, 2014

Big Babies Don't Cry

I commonly hear people complain about babies aboard airplanes. Apparently, these babies cry a lot, and often very loudly and incessantly. Passengers around them often do not take to this too kindly. I completely hear this grouse. Babies need to understand as part of this democracy their obligation towards respecting the needs of their fellow citizens. The fundamental duties, the other side of the coin to fundamental rights, are firmly embossed in the Indian Constitution, on paper. Infants are free to take a look, comprehend and absorb what these doctrines mean. Because if they do not spruce up themselves, some ingenious adults have already begun offering radical solutions to the menace, such as banning young mothers and their bubs from air travel, or more interestingly, drugging babies to sleep during the length of a flight. As I am not entirely in agreement with these solutions, I hereby offer some of my own.
They can try the "mind over matter" mantra, for instance. Flipping through the pages of any self-help book such as "How To Stop Worrying and Start Living", "You Can Win", and "Stop Crying You Sissy", babies will soon learn that physical discomfort is a mere state of mind. Instead of crying over it, they should consider engaging in activities that can take their minds off the pain: look out of the window, sing a Beatles song, or share with your parents your opinion of who should form the next government. If they are into television, which By Jove they would be, they can also try Baba Ramdev's breathing exercises as a combative tool against pain.
If babies refuse to take matters into their own hands, why do mothers not administer some medicine to them right before they board the flight? Mothers often argue it is often difficult to gauge what exactly is bothering the child. This is seriously not acceptable. These infants need to be exposed to some organizational behaviour handbooks at an early age to amply acquaint them with the concept and benefits of transparent and open communication. Nip the problem in the bud. Speak up about issues that afflict you. Proactive problem solving skills, hello! Mothers, on their part, need to encourage an open door policy with their babies, whereby they can freely bring pertinent matters of trouble on the table, that can be negotiated to closure by way of peaceful dialogue.
But please, babies, stop crying. These are early years of your lives. What do you know of worldly problems anyway? I am not sure you are aware of what your co-passenger's day has been like. But let us take merely his escapades at the airport, right before boarding this flight, just to give you a fair idea. He has been taken by surprise by the large queues at the airport which he has never known about before, which is why they were not accounted for in his schedule. Resultantly, he has per force had to stick parasitically to the person ahead of him in the queue in the hope that he can make his way a little faster. When that failed to work, he has also had to vent out his frustration on the airline staff by calling them incompetent mutts who can't get him on to his plane soon enough. With the plane in sight, finally, the poor chap has had to push and jostle his way through the aisle of the plane, because if he does not hurry up, the plane might take off with one of his feet still placed on the tarmac.
After all these hassles, little babies, your co-passenger is looking for some peace of mind. And all he expects from you is that you follow the model code of behaviour which requires you to maintain silence in the aircraft. As responsible citizens, it is imperative that you understand his needs and comply. At any rate, like I said, they are at their wits' end and the solutions they propose to counter your noise might only make you more upset.

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